Duck Duck Cougar?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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