Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
