I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
