If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
