I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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