i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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