she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
