I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
