do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
