your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
