Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
