I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
