The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
