i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
