i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
