My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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