so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
