Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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