if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
