Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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