I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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