yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
