I think my vagina is haunted
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
