i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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