He asked to "fluff my boner.."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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