soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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