i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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