I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
