The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
