You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
