1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
