I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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