her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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