im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
