I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
