Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
