i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just puked most of my soul out..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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