Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
