Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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