Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
