I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
