from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
