Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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