uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
