I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He did a backflip because drugs
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