Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
