i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
