i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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