You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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