My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
