You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
