I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
