Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
