Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
