I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
