I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
