to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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